Martha Dougharty Sparks, 80, died on April 2, when she "finally ceased badgering her alleged sons on what they should do with their lives," her family wrote in an uproarious obituary.
An irreverent and hilarious online obituary for an 80-year-old Texas woman has gone viral after her family wrote she was "certifiably crazy" when wearing hats and delivered Meals on Wheels in her black convertible with an "attitude, red lipstick, and inability to drive the speed limit."
Martha Dougharty Sparks of Beaumont died on April 2, when she "finally ceased badgering her alleged sons on what they should do with their lives," her relatives wrote in an uproarious obit.
She was born on August 20, 1942, in the town where she died. As a child, she had an imaginary friend named Gimble, whom she often pushed in a swing.
"Psychiatrists in the 1950s, in between cigarettes and more cigarettes, quickly determined through leeches and electric shock therapy that Gimble wasn't real, and then informed Martha she really had no friends at all," the obituary says.
Shen later made friends with James Sparks Jr., whom she went on to marry.
"Martha worked hard to put Jimmy through law school, then later worked less hard as a homemaker for a few years until her lackluster children were born, whereupon she quickly, and quite reasonably, lost interest in parenting," her family wrote.
Her two sons, Jimmy and Mark, were not loved as much as Martha's dog, Kaiser, "her favorite child," the obit says.
She also had a career as a bail bondsman, a job for which she was "completely unqualified."
Something about wearing a hat changed her demeanor. "Martha's hat selection often betrayed her mood, when she wore them, she was certifiably crazy," her family wrote. She was also prone to speeding while delivering Meals on Wheels and was once ticketed twice in one day by the same cop in the same location.
"She and her sports car are sure to be missed by most of the traffic cops in town," her obit says.
"Martha was an ally and advocate for LGBTQ, believing that all were created equal in love and life," her relatives wrote. "She faithfully supported the Wounded Warriors Project as well as Meals On Wheels, regularly donating the tens of dollars she managed to save by using coupons at Kohl's."
Martha is survived by her two sons, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and a multitude of friends and relatives.
"In memory of Martha, the Sparks family asks that you put on your hat, your makeup (man or woman-it's all good), some Rolling Stones, and then say something weird that pops into your hat-laden head," the obituary says in conclusion.
"Then, love life, love others, and love without judgment. Live and love like Martha did. And remember that you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."
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